It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
