drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she looked like the before picture.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
