Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
