I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
