i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
