so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
