Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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