capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
