Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
