That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
