Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize