Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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