Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
