i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
