Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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