____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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