about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
