Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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