i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
