No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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