I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
