Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
