So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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