apparently the secret to your success is patron
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
