Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
