Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
