He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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