I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
