He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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