maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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