It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
