mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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