I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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