im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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