i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
