I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
