I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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