Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
is that a dick in a sweater?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
