please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
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I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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