you guys were way drunker than both of me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
