I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
