My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
