Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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