He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
