Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
FUCK WHALES
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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