Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Please, let me fuck your mom
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
