paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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