Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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