Sry I called you an 8
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
