Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
