It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
