And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
