Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize