if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
