Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Are we still banned from the library?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
