I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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