just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
