Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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