I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
