It's Friday. Sex?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
