I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
