So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
