if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
