Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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