dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
