I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
