He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
