My hair reeks of homosexuality.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
