would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
