His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
