I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
