Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
