Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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